Ok, so yesterday I established last that I am not a beer
snob, but I somehow managed to actually miss ‘good’ beer (I’m being liberal
with my use of the word “good”. So sue me). Now it’s time to cover how I’m not
a coffee snob either, except that I kind of am. Turns out I miss a certain
quality of coffee too. Here’s a hint, it’s not in a big orange and pink bag
labeled DUNKIN’ DONUTS!
While living in Durango, it wasn’t uncommon for me to
frequent the local coffee shops. Ok, I went every day. The baristas at Durango
Coffee Company knew me by name, and I always got the dark roast and drank it
black. Yeah, I’m a purist. Well, I was a purist. Then I came home. (I was also
not a purist when I drank the rocket fuel grade “coffee” produced by a few of
my friends. These are also the friends who would turn a nose up at Blue Moon. I
think they have some taste bud issues.)
So normally I drink one cup of coffee in the morning (maybe
two if I’m feeling especially outrageous). My mom makes a really big pot of
coffee though, weak DUNKIN’ DONUTS coffee (maybe two if there’s company). That
being the case, it’s not unusual to see 3 or 4 cups go down. The key is that on
top of the half-full cup of weak coffee, you have to pour milk, filling the
rest of the cup. So now you have mildly coffee-flavored milk. You can see how a
whole pot might go down pretty nicely, like cheap beer. You can also probably
see how I easily help my mom through a couple of pots. After the rich, full,
dark roasts I’m used to, the DD just really doesn’t do it for me. It’s like
leaving Guinness for PBR. I have to pour on the milk for the coffee-flavored
dairy effect (purism is overrated). It’s really not so bad, and it keeps the headaches at bay (I’m addicted.
Whatever. I’m moving to Costa Rica).
Yesterday though, mom and dad were gone to work. I woke up
to an empty house, and an empty coffee pot. I wandered over to the pantry, one
eye still working on that whole opening thing, the other navigating. I stared
at the bag of DD coffee, and thought very seriously about how cool that whole
breakfast tea thing is. They make breakfast blends you know, like Morning
Thunder. In retrospect, I should have gone with the Morning Thunder. I opted
instead for the sample packet of Starbucks Christmas espresso roast. It was
sneakily hiding behind the bag of DD. The shiny purple package caught my eye,
and I knew. Yes. Never mind that it was ‘best by January of 2012’. That’s not
so long ago. I happily snatched the lonely French press off the back of the
counter as I turned on the burners and started the tea pot to boiling. I opened
the beautiful little purple package as if it contained flecks of gold and
started measuring out the treasure into the press. After about 3 Tbsp I just
dumped the whole thing in (about 6 Tbsp…espresso roast).
So, let’s recap. For the past month I have been drinking
coffee-flavored milk. Before that I was drinking one little cup of dark roast
coffee (that has the lower caffeine content). Today I dumped 6 heaping
tablespoons of espresso roast coffee into a French press (which makes pretty
strong coffee). I then drank all of it. Two full coffee cups (big coffee cups).
It tasted like dark, spicy, coffee heaven. And then…that’s right, there’s an “and
then”. This is getting a little long winded so I won’t go into every detail,
but not only was my heart pounding like a hit parade and my hands shaking like
a leaf in the wind, my stomach was doing something entirely new, and unpleasant
at that. No words. But where coffee normally leaves one charged and ready to
face the day, this left me curled up on the couch in something that can only be described as shock. My mind
wanted to run laps around the house, and my body was just shaken, a little nauseated,
and mostly confused.
Moral of the story: When in doubt…no, when you are entirely
sold heart and soul, go with the Morning Thunder anyway. Really. Oh and I guess
‘too much of a good thing’ really does exist.
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