Monday, September 3, 2012

If I were a smart phone...


Dear User,

I appreciate the attention. Really I do. But give it a rest already. Geez! I mean from the minute you wake up in the morning to the series of moments you spend fighting it until you actually just pass out, you never put me down. In fact, because you passed out with me in your hand, I’m even smothered by you as you sleep. I mean seriously, how would you like to be stared at and poked and prodded? All. Day. Long? If it’s not a text message it’s Facebook. If it’s not a picture it’s YouTube. It’s word feud and angry birds. It’s maps and navigators and sports updates. Do you even know what the actual weather is doing? No, not the weather on my screen, the actual weather. Look up every once in a while. Did you know your friend just asked you a question? Actually, what is she wearing today? Again, NO! Not what is she wearing in her profile picture on facebook. What is she wearing right now, today. She is standing right in front of you. No! Don’t take a picture of her. Just look up. Say hi! Interact. Give me a break! I realize that I’m fascinating, mesmerizing even, but there is still a physical world. Oh, and those commercials about not texting and driving apply to you too. In fact, I would go so far as to advise them to tell users not to even look at the phone and drive. Put me down. I’ll be right there, ready to go when you get where you are going. And speaking of where you are going, the next time you are in Paris or London or New York, or at the Grand Canyon I WILL power off if you dare spend more time looking at me than looking around, soaking up the experience. That AT&T commercial about getting service everywhere—Not my idea. Get a life!

Now, none of this is to say we can’t be friends. I just need some space. I know I’ve been a little harsh, I just get cranky when I’m being smothered. I’m sorry. I just want what’s best for you, so please try to find a little balance. Sure, check me out when you have a question or need to look something up, but don’t be afraid to interact with other people. I hope this can really make for a richer friendship for both of us.

Sincerely,
Your overused smart phone

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