How to Climb a Volcano

How to Climb a Volcano in Guatemala

1: Just go with a travel agency. I know. Lame, but when your teacher says that her brother is a guide and she will talk to him for you, don’t do it! She will only talk to him a little bit, but then she will get the bright idea that this will be a perfect opportunity for you to practice Spanish. She will give you his number (over the phone…boom! More practice) and now it’s all you. Sure I guess you could just not call, but then what kind of student would you be to put your teacher out like that then not follow through? Yeah, you don’t want to be that person…and actually, you are going to end up going with an agency anyway because her brother works for one. You just took the longer more complicated way.

2: But really, just go with a travel agency. I for one totally understand the allure of climbing a mountain (or better yet, a volcano) alone or with a couple of friends. In fact, that’s really how I prefer it. Never before though was there a very high chance of being robbed at gun point on the trail. (Don’t worry, I climbed the safest one and we had a guide with a gun and all, but the one I really really really wanted to do…oh! ¡Tienes cuidado!  Hay muchos ladrones y es muy peligroso. Or at least that’s what everyone I talked to said).  So yeah, just put your pride back in your pocket and go with the agency…or carry a gun…or go climb a volcano somewhere else.

3: Don’t go during the rainy season…it rains. I mean unless you dig that whole soggy hiking experience. The rainy season ends in late October/ early November…

4: If you must go during the rainy season, go in the morning. The rain tends to blow in in the afternoon and evening. My class isn’t over until 1 PM. I might have thought to go on a Saturday if I had gone with rule number 1. Granted our group got all kinds of lucky because the rain stopped pretty much as soon as we arrived at the base of the mountain, but just because the rain stopped does not mean the clouds will take their leave. Certainly it’s pretty cool to say you climbed a volcano in a cloud…but the cool factor depends a whole lot on what kind of view you were hoping to get. (Also a good reason to have a guide: You can get turned around when everything is the same shade of gray)

5: Bring a flashlight. It gets dark in the clouds after dark…That sounded redundant but I meant that the moonlight isn’t really there to help you out so it’s not quite catacomb dark (which I know by the way) but it’s sure no full moon adventure either.

6: Definitely talk to the other people in your group. They are after all climbing a volcano so they must be at least kind of cool. They are probably not from your home country either. It’s cool. Just do it.

7: Keep your expectations at bay. This goes for most experiences really. Or rather, keep them very very low so that it can only get better in real life. I had such an awkward and unfortunate day leading up to the hike that by the time I realized we wouldn’t be able to see anything, I didn’t care anymore. I was so happy it wasn’t raining and that I was doing something active. Not saying you can’t enjoy things if you have high expectations, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to find the good in something when it hasn’t first disappointed you terribly.

8: And finally, in conjunction with rule number 7, just have fun. Your experience will be what it will be, whether sweeping, breathtaking views, or cloud-incased apocalypse dream. If the later, the experience can be improved greatly by talking about dinosaurs, any book or movie involving a decimated earth, or the fact that God smokes a big ole hookah (the clouds…the hookah thing was a joke about how cloudy/smoky/ misty it was).

The end. Now go do something awesome.